man it gets late around here preety fast. seems like I was just in class an hour ago. i've been rippin tubes for hours and I'm berely coherant. I actually made it to the gym to train with weights today with my trainer and friend who's name is also Dan. He kicked my ass but we had to hold back because I skipped last week to kick a virus. hits from the bong make me lazy. all work and no play make jack go crazy.

oh and speaking of which I was watching this reaity show today on fittv called The Gym...its fuckin hilarious. right in the middle of the episode the show stopped and was like you watch too much tv and i was like your right so i turned off the tv and started surfing the web. is that the new idiot box??? wait which ine was i talking about???

i was thinking about buying a new bike that maybe one day i could use in a road race. somebody got me thinking about triatholons and other really incredible indurance tests. what people don't understand is that yes it is a physical journey that you are on, it is also a spiritual journey where you really get to know yourself and the things you are truely capable of. its so much for the mind to. maybe one day i'll be able to explain it.

well actually here it is plain and simple I have the need to achieve... my career, while extremely interesting, is kinda stagnat. why do something half assed? and why not tell a whole bunch of people who will help you to stick to it?

there's love in the clouds, Mrdt

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Its coming pretty close to my one year anniversary since I started really working out and dedicating myself to becoming physically fit. I envy you skinny people with fast metabolisms. I can't eat or drink anything without seeing the ramifications on the scale. I recently started a mini-weight loss training session before I go to Florida. I'll probably hit ten-eleven pounds by the time I leave next Saturday, which is good but I'm sick of the work it takes. When I wake up in the morning I have to figure out what I have scheduled for the day and how to fit the gym/six meals in between. I have to eat breakfast, make some food for the day cram it into my little lunch box then when its time I usually eat it cold. Usually, on my way to the gym I go through my routine in my head, do I have enough time; will it take to much time; is it a lite day or a heavy day; how do I feel; set progression; rep progression; how can I raise my intensity; mass movements vs definition; what worked last week/didn't work; should I add more weight, sets or reps. Truth be told its more mentally exhausting than physical, some days. Don't get me wrong...it feels so good, especially for a guy dealing with a lot of financial stress. My problems don't seem as difficult and my serotonin levels are higher keeping my general disposition out of the gutter.

But some days I ask myself what the fuck do I do it all for? I guess its because I have always been overweight and really want to be the skinny underwear model guy. Last year I was a skinny guy for about 3 weeks but then I had the great idea to bulk up and after four months I was back to my starting weight (included is about 15#'s of new muscle). Alot of it can be blamed on the fact that I'm not working as much and its winter so I'm relatively inactive (skiing is way to expensive). I guess we all have parts of us that we would rather do without but sometimes I hit this threshold and want to throw it all away and let myself go over a burger, fries and milkshake which I occasionally indulged in.

I'm pretty sure the beautiful people have it easier. The ones who can just go to the gym a few days a week and can eat whatever they want. Not only do they add muscle but they never put on a pound. And here I am working my ass off to see some good muscle separation between my shoulders, chest and upper arms. How long does it take....I know a very long time. It really is a slow process especially for guys like me because you can't build muscle when your cutting and actually you lose muscle and when I can't keep the fat off when trying to bulk up. I guess I'm mad at myself for over bulking this winter cause I didn't really know what I was doing. I do now though but 30#s later its too late, time to diet again. Maybe this summer I won't try to cut up and I'll just keep on building then next year I'll have all that mass under a layer of fat and I'll be a good candidate to win the Body for Life and the Men's Health competition. I just don't know right now. Sometimes I beat up on myself mentally because it's taking so long to hit my goals. If nobody wants to work out with me I'll have to get a trainer. Right now I'm feeling the gym burnout so it will be a nice change of pace. Got to keep movin..got to do more...got to be more.

I am breathing in some serious paint fumes and my house is completely trashed. I guess my brothers moving back in here. His shit is absolutely fucking everywhere. Tonight when I wake up because I have to take a leak I'm sure to break a fuckin toe on the stuff he has cluttered through the hall. Yeah I can't wait. I'm gonna miss having the whole house to myself. Crankin' the music all hours, living by myself in a clean, serene and peaceful environment. Now I have two people to clean up after. He doesn't even have his essentials here but I'm cleaning up dishes, popcorn everywhere, diet pepsi cans, junk, junk mail. Fuck, fuck, fuck!!!!!!!! I can see it now doing his dishes while I'm rushing to get food for the day ready, picking up towels, throwing out his junk mail cluttering the kitchen table. He's got some kind of hearing problem and can talk really loud which usually wakes me up from a sound slumber. Its like National Lampoons Vacation, I'm Clark and he's cousin Eddy..."Merry Christmas, shitter's full." "Honey have you checked our shitters lately." Dont get me wrong I love him more than any body in the world but sometimes he's a little ignorant of other people and I hate using that word. Reminds me of when MJ was on South Park.

My Hooverphonic cd just went back to one so that means I have been typing too long...Sorry to be so negative but I had to get it out. I hate negativity, unfortunately it brews in me like coffee at Starbucks. Most of the time I have a pretty sunny disposition but right now I'm feelin' the shitty cards I got dealt.

I love you all, MrDT